Three Weeks

I'm moving out in 21 days.

My life is about to start for real, and I will have to do things on my own. I'm excited for it, but also terrified, not because I don't think I can handle it, but because I'm afraid of losing people.

My room is almost entirely packed up. The walls are bare, the closet shelves are empty, and the floor is filled with boxes. They serve as just another reminder that it's coming to an end.

My prayers are mostly for peace and reassurance for myself, and for the people I care about to know that I care. And although it remains unspoken, I pray that I will have the strength to tell them what they mean to me. And to tell them goodbye. But I'm still afraid of losing them.

What if I'm so busy that I forget to remember the people I love? I'll see Colorado on a map and realize that I haven't seen them in three years and suddenly I'll miss them so much that I'll drive out to see them because I'm afraid I might not ever get the chance again.

What if at my high school reunions I see someone I used to be close to and realize how selfish and horrible I am for not caring about them after graduation? I'd probably stop going to those reunions, that's what.

What if that sweet little girl is ten before I see her again and what if she sees death but I'm not there for her like I want to be because I'm too busy with myself?

What if I never see her again? What if I never get the chance to say goodbye and I spend the rest of this life trying to remember if I told her I loved her?

What if I live a fast-paced life in some distant city and people become less important to me compared to the lively restlessness of Seattle or Dallas or New York City?

What if I get so caught up in my own desires, ambitions, and problems that I fail to think of others?

I think my life would be easier if I stopped asking so many 'what if' questions.